What does Thanksgiving mean to me? Turkey, all the trimmings, football games on television, seeing Uncle Whazzisname but once a year? Nope....
Thanksgiving was created in America to give thanks for the fall harvest and to share the bounty with family, friends, and neighbors. There is quite a history of this major national holiday (see it here). Feeding neighbors is the foundation of American Thanksgiving, as the first Thanksgiving was in 1621 when the Pilgrims held the first feast for themselves and their Native American neighbors.
Flash forward to 2011... here we are, feeding neighbors with the bountiful delights of a pot-luck harvest with and for my senior pals.
Customarily, most families try to reunite with each other on this holiday. However, such reunions are also a focus for Christmas, just one month away. (I think the Canadians got it right when they picked the second Monday of October for this holiday, but I digress.)
Most of my senior pals who live alone cannot afford to travel to visit children who live far away on both holidays so close together on the calendar. The reverse is true, as well -- children have trouble getting time off work and/or school to come home for Thanksgiving.
That leaves a situation of many seniors being alone on Thanksgiving. I just can't abide that. To make a sad situation much more happy, we invite senior friends (and friends-of-friends) who otherwise would be alone on this holiday to join us. Over four three-hour "shifts" throughout the day, about 100 of our friends come by, bearing some of the harvest -- a dish for four. Their contribution may include vegetables, breads, appetizers, and -- of course -- pies, pies, pies. What would Thanksgiving be without apple and pumpkin pie? And don't forget the cranberry sauce (though hardly anyone eats the stuff LOL! Gosh, for years my family would pass around the cranberry sauce at the Thanksgiving table, only to realize years later that my Dad was the only one who ate it.)
All I do is cook four farm-raised fresh turkeys (two ovens, two days.) We set out a grand buffet and we all munch, graze, or otherwise "partake." We sing silly songs around the piano, root for whatever team is playing football (if one cares to watch the TV in the basement), or chat with each other in more quiet areas of the house (or weather-permitting, out on one of the decks.)
What does Thanksgiving mean to me? It is a time to share the joy of bonds of long-term friendship and love with great people who form the net who sustain my soul. It is a time for me to thank my friends for their caring concern and love extended throughout the year. It is a time to remember happy memories of times gone by, people we love, and things we have done with and for each other. It truly is... a time of smiles and great joy in sharing God's blessings.
Personally, I have one more important thing that Thanksgiving means to me: it is a time when I give many thanks to Chuck for his steadfast support, strength, determination, and for always being there for me, through thick and thin, in times of trial and strife, and during times of great joy.
So while Chuck will be behind the scenes on Thanksgiving, doing what he does best -- listening with undivided attention to stories that seniors wish to share -- I'll be circulating among all, sitting with each one, taking a moment to hold his or her hand, look into her or his eyes, and say with sincerity, "thank you -- for your love, support, and caring."
This is what Thanksgiving means to me. A time to extend my sincere thanks to my friends who do so much more for me than I possibly could ever do for them. This thanks goes to my friends throughout my world of my community activities, profession, hobbies, and motorcycling adventures. Thank you for caring enough to continue to connect with me. Thanks for your kindness, warmth-of-heart, and humor. I appreciate it!
Happy Thanksgiving to all!
Life is short: show those you love how you love them.
My birthday is coming up! I am following great leadership of my friend Ana-Marie Jones who published her inspiring birthday wish-list. Here's mine -- please take a few minutes to read, and then act.
As one gets older, the desire for material goods is replaced by the desire for PDAs -- and not what you think. I'm not into toys. I seek Personal Displays of Affection. Not for me, but for others.
These PDAs may be demonstrated by:
* Visiting or calling a parent, grandparent, or other senior and listening. So many people talk-talk-talk, but we have much to learn if we shut up and listen to the wiser generation. Spend an hour listening and you will be amazed how good both of you feel.
* Sharing your talents with others. Help with housecleaning, home repairs, mowing the lawn, taking folks grocery shopping, making a home-made meal, and just spending time with people who won't ask for help, but who will benefit (and this applies to people of all ages.)
* Making regular phone calls to home-bound family and friends. Your smile on the phone may be the only sunshine heard today. I truly wish for a reduction in the lonliness that seniors experience as they age and become less important in American's lives. (Our culture has much to learn from Asia.)
* turning off the computer, TV, and the gadget-du-juor (Blackberry, iPhone, etc.) Reach out and hold the hand of the one you love. Experience serenity without technological distractions. Do this for me. You will be surprised how delightful, energizing, and empowering this down-time can be.
* reducing fear of disaster by taking personal charge of your own life. Walk the talk. Describe your personal disaster plan to someone you work with. Talk about it with your family. Discuss it with the people with whom you worship. My mentor and friend, Dennis Mileti, empowered me to empower others by encouraging milling -- talking about disaster preparedness always and often. (and unlike voting in Chicago, this is legal!)
* (from my dear friend Ana-Marie): Saying NO to fear and threat! Really, we've spent billions on scaring and threatening the public "for their own good" -- The D.A.R.E program, Scared Straight, Abstinence Only Sex-Education just to name a few. They don't work, they harm the most vulnerable communities, and most preparedness campaigns follow the same model. Please say NO!
* Saying "YES" to simplicity -- live a disaster-prepared life.
This is what I want for my birthday: open your heart, listen with love, show you care. Show YOUR PDAs! As I regularly say, "show those you love that you love them."
Thank you for making my birthday a happy one by telling me what you have done to fulfill my birthday wish in a comment on this blog.
I thought I would post something to describe my "disaster prepared life."
Those who know me well know that for many, many years, I preached disaster preparedness. I wrote hundreds of brochures and other printed items, produced dozens of videos, led the development of educational standards-based children's curriculum (i.e., American Red Cross "Masters of Disaster"), spoke at zillions of conferences, collaborated with important partners at the National Weather Service, Federal Emergency Management Agency, U.S. Geological Survey, National Fire Protection Association, Home Safety Council, Institute for Business and Home Safety, and dozens more... all with the intent to "notch up" this nation's level of business, personal and home preparedness, with a special emphasis on the "home" part.
As my colleague and close friend Dr. Wayne Blanchard said in conferences that we led together at FEMA's Emergency Management Institute, "you have to walk the talk. You can't be out there telling people what to do. You need to lead by example." He was soooooo right.
So what's my "disaster prepared life" like? Actually, it's pretty easy.
First, we have ongoing conversations at home about what can happen, how we will find out about it, and how we will communicate with each other if we are in different places when something happens like a severe storm. A storm is the most frequent hazard that can disrupt our lives. Other hazards we talk about include a home fire, a technological incident like an overturned tanker truck, or evil-intent disruption of human action. (Some call it terrorism; we call it "the bad guys trying to do harm by infusing fear.")
I firmly believe in what my mentor, Dr. Dennis Mileti (former Director of the Natural Hazards Center at the University of Colorado) taught -- that the only way to get people to do something about being prepared for a disruptive event is to talk about it. If you live in that River in Egypt -- Denial -- and don't talk about it, you won't do anything about it. Our discussions aren't morbid or "woe-is-me the world-will-end so just give up now." The vast majority of people in areas where disasters occur live through it, but may not be able to determine the safety of their loved-ones due to disrupted communications, or be able to get out, get help, or have adequate supplies to live on until they can get more.
So yes, I believe in a well-stocked disaster supplies kit. Call it what you will (emergency kit, go-pack, etc.), we keep water, canned foods, a battery-powered radio, flashlights, extra batteries, and other essentials handy in a closet near our exit door so we can grab it and take it with us if we have to leave. We have adequate food and water supplies at home in case we're stuck there for an indefinite period -- as we have been during monumental winter storms (aka "Snowmageddon" of 2010).
How much water? The easy way we deal with that is that we have several 5-gallon food grade refillable water containers that we keep in the kitchen. We keep one of them on a chiller, and drink water from it every day as part of our regular method of quenching thirst. As one container empties, we put the next one in line on the chiller, clean and refill the empty one with tap water, and put it at the end of the line. Any given day, we have four or five 5-gallon jugs filled with water. Tap water. We don't treat it with anything (like chlorine bleach--not needed nor recommended).
There are other ways we are prepared. Since a home fire is the number one possibility of a personal disaster, we practice fire safety by having an actual home fire drill twice a year. We have fun with it. We blindfold each other, practice crawling low under smoke, and practice using different escape routes from different rooms. We meet at the mailbox out on the street, and practice (but don't actually) calling 9-1-1 once we're all safely outside. We encourage our neighbors to have a home fire drill at the same time that we do at least once a year, and I'm happy to say that most (not all) of our neighbors participate, ending with a community block party.
But because I have always believed in being prepared, and my Mom knew that, she gave us a gift when we built our house -- the money to cover the cost of home fire sprinkler installation. This was long before tax incentives and laws requiring home sprinklers. I did it because I was inspired by my friend Meri-K Appy, who at the time was VP of Education at the National Fire Protection Association. We have great peace of mind knowing that those silent sentries are protecting our home 24/7, even when we're not there. Should a fire happen, the sprinkler closest to the fire origin will go off (but not all of them as shown on stupid TV shows and movies) and douse the flames -- well before the fire department arrives.
Another "inspirer" of mine was Don Wernly who I worked with closely when he was a branch chief at the National Weather Service, in the division responsible for public weather services (including outreach). Don gave me my first NOAA Weather Radio. Subsequently, I have received -- as gifts from friends -- several new-and-improved versions of this important device. It signals an alert for severe weather as soon as my local NWS Forecast Office issues at Watch or a Warning. It gives me time to do last-minute preparations.
What preparations are those? Well, some of my neighbors may say that I'm the neighborhood disaster-nut. I'll go out and retrieve trash cans so they won't blow away and perhaps damage a neighbor's home. But instead of just silently bringing the trash cans, lawn furniture, and picnic table umbrella inside -- I will carry them out front, and talk to them loudly: "I'm bringing you inside so you won't fly away and break a neighbor's window!" Yeah, some of my neighbors think I'm crazy, but you know what? Right after I do that, I see them bringing items indoors, too. So crazy behavior works if it encourages others to prepare, too.
As for food supplies, I don't go nuts with storing stuff, or have a mark on a calendar to "rotate" my supplies. The foods don't need to be turned around and around (giggle.) But I really don't change and replace disaster supplies on a scheduled basis. Instead, I have food supplies that I would ordinarily eat, anyway. Canned soup, fruit, vegetables, meats, and fish. When I choose to eat something like that, I'll pull it out of my disaster kit and replace it with a fresher item from my pantry. Then when I purchase groceries, I just replace the item in my pantry. That way, my disaster foods are always up-to-date, without having to spend any extra time, thought, or effort to do so.
And some disaster supplies vendors may not appreciate this, but I do not endorse blocks of canned sawdust. That is, compressed "meal bars" or MREs. Honestly, nobody will eat that stuff and post-disaster conditions aren't such that the only option to survive is to try to eat compressed sawdust blocks. Fuggetaboutit... those things aren't realistic.
Also, I am not a fan of packaged disaster kits available for sale from the Red Cross and other vendors. While buying a pre-made kit gets you everything in one place, those kits usually do not have adequate amounts for a minimum three-day supply of water (three gallons/person) and food. Plus, I am of the opinion that unless you have stuff that you ordinarily would eat, you won't find the "food" in the prepackaged kits all that palatable, so you wouldn't eat it anyway. I also think that unless you invest yourself, your thoughts, and your own commitment to thinking through the supplies you will need, then you wouldn't use a disaster kit anyway. I hypothesize that most of those prepackaged kits go unused, or if such a kit is taken with someone during a disaster, he/she would only use a small portion of the stuff in it -- so there is very little return on the expensive investment.
I recall that Wayne and I produced a brochure back in the '90s titled "Your Family Disaster Supplies Kit" (see it here) where everything under the sun, including the kitchen sink, was listed to have in a personal disaster kit. Realistically, nobody has the time, resources, or interest to assemble all that stuff. Besides essential food, water, radio, flashlights, and batteries, I have a first aid kit, can opener, big chocolate bar (can't have a disaster without it!), napkins and baby wipes, a roll of toilet paper, and yes -- even a roll of duct tape. Not to tape any ducks, but that stuff is very useful to make MacGyver-like repairs. I also keep a small stash of cash, because power will be out after a disaster, so ATMs won't work and credit card machines won't, either. Further, I keep copies of important information such as the names and phone numbers of my banks, credit card companies, doctors, health insurance, and copies of home and auto insurance policies in my kit. You never know when you'll need those things -- and if you had to leave home (i.e., you were asked to evacuate), we have those important papers available to refer to.
Do I have a cell phone in the kit? Nope. Doesn't make sense -- while I seldom use my cell phone, I carry it with me. I keep a car-charger for it in my kit, so I have an alternative method to charge the phone if a power outage is prolonged. However, I also insist on maintaining a traditional, copper wire telephone landline at home. Think about it: when disasters happen, it may take down, disable, or otherwise disrupt cell towers. Further, everyone gets on the phone and the system quickly overloads. Old-fashioned, traditional copper wire phone lines were built to withstand extremes, and likely will work when other communications options (cell, VOiP, etc.) will not.
In summary, we live a disaster prepared life. It's easy. Practicing what I have preached all these years is customary. No big deal.
Look at it this way: stuff happens. Talk about it. Be prepared. You'll be happy that you know that you and those you care about will be able to get through a disaster better because you're ready. You, too, can lead by example. Your family, your children, and your neighbors will respect and admire you, and you will feel more calm in knowing that when the fit hits the shan (weather-wise or earthquake-wise, or even tsunami-wise), those you love and care about will know how to be safe and get through it. Isn't that what it's all about? I think so....
Life is short: show those you love that you love them by living a disaster prepared life.
Many of you know that I'm kinda crazy when it comes to caring for my legion of senior pals -- grocery shopping, handyman home chores, preparing tax returns, the occasional escort to a doctor's office, and phone check-in calls all form a part of my daily activities in caring for friends in my community.
Some of you have asked, "how can I do this? Who can I call to volunteer my services?"
Ask no further -- printed below is a message from Montgomery County Senior Connection. They need volunteers and now, here's your chance!
The [Montgomery County, Maryland] Senior Connection urgently needs volunteers to help their neighbors 62 and older live as independently as possible by providing escorted transportation to scheduled medical appointments.
Generally a volunteer driver will provide one trip a week for one person. The typical trip is during non-rush hour, is often less than 5 miles from home and takes 2 hours at a date and time convenient to the volunteer.
Volunteers have a feeling of great satisfaction knowing that they are giving back to their community when they help seniors remain independent in their own homes. They have expressed gratitude for the emotional lift they feel while serving to make a senior's life a little happier.
By volunteering you will strengthen your community and be rewarded by making new friends. Your time commitment and schedule will be flexible. You will be provided with life skills training and recognition events. The Senior Connection also provides volunteer liability insurance coverage. All of these factors make volunteering with The Senior Connection a very appealing opportunity to serve your community.
Please contact The Senior Connection today at 301-962-0820 X 14, or Marcia.custer@seniorconnectionmc.org.
Visit the Senior Connection website for more details.
Please get involved, if only for a couple hours each week. It really makes a difference in the life of another, and you make new friends, too!
As the leader of the orchestra who cared for Aunt Lee, I was darned determined not to do that yesterday. Instead, we had a "thank-you party for 'all those people'." Who?
In Aunt Lee's last seven months of life, she had someone with her 24 hours each day, seven days a week. Services were split among seven people, who we call caregivers. In my aunt's stage of Alzheimer's Disease, she could not remember their names, so she referred to them as "all those people."
Instead of having a wake (or visitation) and a funeral, then everyone "coming over to the house" and standing around with long faces streaked with tears ... we reserved a room at the Leisure World Clubhouse, arranged for catering for some light fare, and then orchestrated a "thank you" party to recognize each of Aunt Lee's caregivers.
All of her caregivers came, as well as the President of the local Home Instead office and some of her staff. A number of my large family came as well. It was great to see my siblings and my cousins. Aunt Lee's sons, Jack and Tony, also were there (of course.) Jack got up first to say a few words, and called me his brother. I was very touched.
When it was my turn to speak, I was fearing that I would "lose it" and become an emotional wreck, but I guess all those years of media training at the Red Cross paid off. I spoke about Aunt Lee and each caregiver and her contributions to Aunt Lee's care on an individual basis, and my voice didn't crack once. I could tell it meant a lot to them, and it was my pleasure to recognize their work.
I told stories about how each caregiver did something special for Aunt Lee, from the one who gave her the best bath to the one who fixed her the best home-made meals to the one who ordered Chinese (and didn't think I knew), to the one who would scratch her back for hours on end. I knew what they did... and they may not have known that I knew so much, but I don't miss much.
We gave them a meaningful gift, but also a funny "gag" gift -- a back scratcher. (smile -- you had to be there, but the back scratcher gift made everyone laugh).
It was a great time. I was told later that I spoke for 45 minutes, and at the end, everyone was smiling, cheering, and clapping. We had a grand celebration ... just the way Aunt Lee would have wanted it.
Life is short: show those you love that you respect their wishes -- throw a party and be happy!
Many of my family and friends know that I cared for my Aunt Lee diligently during the last years of her life. While we had been close for some 20 years since she and her husband moved into Leisure World, the retirement community that is close to my home, I can say that since 2005, my relationship with my aunt has been much closer. I promised her husband, my Uncle Charlie, as he was dying in Sept., 2005, that I would look after her needs, but it's also just who I am -- I do those kind of things.
Each visit with her was an adventure. Back when she was more prescient, she would tell stories about travel adventures that she loved. We would go to the grocery store and do some vicious price-comparison shopping. We would enjoy meals together, and have ongoing discussions about current events.
Then matters slowly began to change. What appeared to be some forgetfulness was diagnosed as Alzheimer's Disease. My aunt was forgetting to take medications from time to time, or sometimes would forget some other things, but nothing major. ... until ... one day she left the stove on. I caught it -- no fire -- but that was a motivator for me to get some help.
Through the services of a social worker, we identified a company that provided companion care. The company is called Home Instead. That way, someone could be with my aunt during the daytime to help out. Anything from just having someone to talk to, to ensuring she bathed, took her meds, ate meals, and did laundry.
As time and her condition progressed, we expanded the companion care hours and I extended my involvement in more things than just visits. From ordering and organizing her meds to interacting with her physicians to handling her finances (paying bills, filing tax returns, etc.) ... in the last two years, I was pretty much managing her entire life.
Some people have asked, "why didn't you move her to live with you?" Short answer: changing surroundings to a place that was unfamiliar would frighten her. Plus, my home has lots of steps, and my aunt was becoming too weak to navigate steps. What we wanted most was to make sure that my aunt could stay in her own home, as she wished, and as I had promised Uncle Charlie that I would make happen.
Besides exercising my fiscal and caregiving responsibilities, I tried hard to have times just to visit. To laugh. To tell stories. To have a friend come over and cut and style her hair. To speak with her in other languages. I learned that while Alzheimer's Disease causes someone to forget what she just talked about, it does not affect intelligence. Allegra "Lee" Lopes was a very smart woman. She was among very few women who earned a Bachelor's Degree from Hunter College in 1934. She could carry a conversation in English, Spanish, French, and Italian even up to her last days.
Contrary to what some people think, Alzheimer's Disease does not cause everyone to be bitter or angry. I was pleased that my aunt remained happy, calm, and positive throughout her aging and Alzheimer's-imposed memory decline.
One year ago this week, I fell and broke my ankle. My daily visits with my aunt stopped suddenly because I literally couldn't move. While my aunt's companion caregiver still came every day, there was an observable change in my aunt's behavior. She really missed me, and withdrew. Gosh, it hurt to observe that happening.
The very moment I could hobble back onto my feet, I went over to her home. I observed that my aunt had become significantly more feeble and frail.
Then, in May, she began complaining of significant pain in her back. Turns out that she had two compression fractures. The pain became the singular focus of my aunt's attention -- she forgot to eat, to drink, and to bathe. Within a few weeks, she was a medical mess, and I had to have her hospitalized in June for treatment of mild malnutrition, dehydration, and a minor infection.
Returning from the hospital was a feat, orchestrated with the help of friends and family. But we were able to get her back home, into a familiar environment. I worked with her caregiving company, Home Instead, and got personal attendants (caregivers) on-board 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
You'd think, then, that my job was over. Other people were taking care of her. On the contrary, my job was becoming more intense. But I did what I had to do. And loved it. Sure, it was hard sometimes to observe my aunt's physical decline, on top of ongoing memory decline, but if my aunt taught me anything, it was how to age with dignity and grace.
Her caregiving team and I developed a great working relationship. We learned new ways of sharing information with each other about my aunt's ongoing condition and changes, as well as physical, mental, and medical needs. From a four-page grocery check-off list to a tremendous detailed log that everyone could follow to know what and when my aunt ate, pooped, bathed, and so forth. That log was incredibly helpful as I used it to interact with her physicians and to let me know about her ongoing nutritional and caregiving requirements.
I never really counted the hours with which I devoted attention to her care -- both in personal visits as well as while I was at home contacting family, doctors, and Home Instead management on a regular basis.
What it all came down to is asking myself, "how would you like to live until death?" -- simple answer: "at home, comfortably." That's what I did. Yes, that was a promise that I made to her husband, my sweet Uncle Charlie, but it was also a promise that I made to her, and to myself. "Make it happen." So I did.
I have two recent precious memories: her 96th birthday party, celebrated on January 2, 2011, with cake, ice cream, and sharing joy with her caregiving team and two of our Delegates in the Maryland General Assembly: Ben Kramer and Bonnie Cullison. My aunt was presented a House Resolution recognizing her birthday. She was thrilled.
On Monday, January 24, I have another fond memory. Her caregiver suggested that since two of us were there, that my aunt should exercise by walking. I got her up, we walked into the Living Room, then rested a bit, then walked back. Aunt Lee turned to me and said, "how far did I go?" I casually replied, "well, not quite a marathon." Then Lee said in her dry wit, "well, a marathon is 26 kilometers. I have only walked two, so that's 1/13th of a marathon." That just astounded me as both a demonstration of how Alzheimer's doesn't affect intelligence, but also how she could come up with such funny things to say.
Unfortunately, Aunt Lee's condition was very frail, and any little thing could have -- and did -- set off a chain of consequences that resulted in death. On the evening of Monday, January 24, she had rapid-onset aspiration pneumonia which caused less oxygen to reach her heart, and she suffered a heart attack. Her caregiver on duty saved her life by responding immediately to call 9-1-1 and then me. Admission through the E.R. to Intensive Care at Montgomery General Hospital followed. While those events did not directly kill her, she was not able to recover. On Wednesday, January 26, she died peacefully with two of her caregivers by her side, and was not in pain. She actually had a slight smile on her face when she passed.
I am not bereft or lost or crying hysterically. I learned so much in caring for my aunt, including preparing for and accepting that death is part of the circle of life. I am at peace with myself in knowing that I did all that I could, and my aunt was happy, safe, and loved. It is fitting that our last words with each other were, "I love you."
Many times you've heard me say, "life is short: show those you love that you love them." I practice doing that all the time. Most regularly with my aunt, but also with some other precious people who I look after, but who also look after me.
Life is indeed short: make it worth living by extending your heart to care for others.
Only another biker knows how I feel when I look at the back of my garage and see my beloved Harley tucked in safely from the cold, with a Battery Tender connected. Only another biker would know the irony of having the Harley's Battery Tender propped up on a snowblower stored next to it... :-)
Some words for how this biker feels this time of year, when it is cold, icy, snowy, and non-conducive to riding:
- Forlorn
- Sad
- Heartache
- Sigh
- Cabin Fever
- Friggin' winter's never gonna end!
Oh well... that's how us bikers feel this time of year.
But I vowed that I will remain positive, so I will continue to repeat this phrase, "Spring will come," "Spring will come," "Spring will come," (... and my limited weekend time won't be crammed with so many chores that I can't ride!!!!)
Life is short: keep dreaming. And to my fellow bikers: I know how you feel!
